“Mom, look what my guidance counselor did for me,” my son said, handing me a handwritten list. On it were the names of colleges spreading across the Northeast. “These are all the colleges she says we should visit this summer.” I quickly put the list down.
“Yeah,” I replied. “Let’s talk about it later, ok?” And as he walked away, I realized I have not really come to terms with the fact that one year from now, he will be leaving. I have not come to terms with his absence, or my freedom. It is a strange juxtapositon of emotions. I am acutely aware that I am not the first nor the last to have felt this way about a child leaving for college, and that understanding leaves me feeling both comforted and alone. Another part of my life I will learn from.
As Oprah says, “When you know better, you do better.” I always did the best I could with the knowledge I had at the time. I, and anyone for that matter, collect lessons and tools along the way through the messy and beautiful events and experiences that make us both individuals and a human team. I know my son will head out into the world with the same vague map I had in front of me at his age, doing the best he can with the tools he has collected. It is the same map that my mother and her mother and her mother and you have as our life paths meander and cross.
My son is 4 amd I can feel all of emotions even though I am just starting out. I love you equating it to having a map and, you are right, you just do the best you can! Everything will turn out as it should.
ReplyDeleteI love the quote.
ReplyDeleteAnd you're spot on with everything you said. My daughter is two years out of high school, and it still startles me sometimes that we're there. I'm sometimes proud, sometimes awed, and sometimes caught in this strange place of disbelief.
What a relatable post. It is a long way off for me but I am dreading sending my daughter to day care next year so I can't imagine sending her off to college.
ReplyDeleteI love how you reassured yourself in this slice. We know everything will be okay but it is sometimes easy to get caught up in the love we have for our children.